Trigger Warning:
This post discusses trauma, therapy, and the emotional weight of unspoken experiences. If these topics are sensitive for you, please take care while reading.
Unspoken trauma weighs us down in ways we don’t always recognize. I’ve seen this quote many times on social media and in self-help books:
“Remember, if you are not speaking it, you are storing it, and that gets heavy.” – Christina Isobel
For the longest time, I didn’t understand how unspoken trauma impacts emotional healing.
Why Holding in Trauma Feels So Heavy
I spent so much of my life protecting everyone else from my experiences and traumas. For a long time, I stayed silent because I was afraid of what they would think of me (which I now know is a shame response, and we’ll dive deeper into that in future posts). I was also afraid they might not believe me or might act as though what I’d experienced wasn’t a big deal.
They would be wrong for either of those reactions, but back then, I didn’t love myself enough to know that.
Why Therapy Feels Scary (But Can Help)
For years, I even kept my therapist at arm’s length. I didn’t tell her what I called my “bombshells” (aka big T traumas) for the first five years. I shared some of my little t traumas, but looking back, some of them were actually big T—I was just in denial.
The first time I finally spoke a big T trauma, I did it while walking to the door at the end of a session… and then I didn’t come back for over two years. 10/10 would not recommend as a therapeutic strategy.
When I did return and reestablish a rapport with her, I found a new way to keep my guard up—I would drop a heavy truth bomb in the last three minutes of a session and then act like I hadn’t said anything the next week. Instead, I’d steer the conversation toward surface-level topics. It was basically the emotional version of sending a risky text and throwing my phone across the room.
How I Finally Faced My Unspoken Trauma
Eventually, my therapist and I developed a trauma recovery plan: I would list all my big T’s in one session so she could finally see the full picture of my life. Then, we would slowly start dissecting them as I felt ready.
At the time, I didn’t think I’d ever be ready. And honestly, when I finally laid it all out, I think she was just as taken aback as I was.
The Relief of Letting Go: My Healing Journey
But something changed. Once I spoke my darkest secrets out loud, I felt lighter. And as we worked through my emotions surrounding them, I felt even lighter.
I hadn’t realized how heavy everything was until I finally trusted her enough to lay my burden down—and more importantly, to recognize that she didn’t see it as a burden at all. She saw it as something she was willing to help me carry.
Final Thoughts
If you’re someone who’s still carrying unspoken trauma, I get it. Speaking it out loud can feel impossible. But I promise you—there’s something liberating about no longer holding it alone.
Start small. Write it down. Say it in the mirror. Find a safe person. And when you’re ready, lay it down. You don’t have to carry it forever.
Your Turn: Let’s Talk
Have you ever experienced the weight of unspoken trauma? If this post resonated, share it with someone who might need it. If you feel comfortable, share your thoughts in the comments. What has helped you lighten the load? Your story might help someone else feel less alone. 💛
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